No Regrets

The Sunday we returned from Winter Camp, Matthew and I slept very soundly. The next morning there was an urgent email from my Dad asking us to get online as soon as we could. I was worried that something had happened to my Aunt Teresa who is currently dealing with leukemia. I was not prepared for what he told us. He told us that my grandpa had died. Even now, as I type those words my heart aches and I want to cry.

But there wasn't time to do much of anything, except head out to school. We had classes to teach. When Matthew told the teachers they all were so kind and offered to take my classes or do anything they could to help. But all I wanted to do was be with family. Grief is something terrible and strange but all I knew was that I needed to be with family.

So I looked up the policy on funerals and found out we had five days to go home. And so we packed. It was a flurry of the next two days of teaching and packing. The teachers that we teach with are amazing. They didn't complain at all, as they all took on extra classes so that Matthew and I could fly to Colorado for the funeral. It was Monday and the funeral was to be on Thursday. My Grandpa and Grandma Sarah live in Fort Garland, Colorado so we would not be flying to our home in the East Coast but it would still be America.

There was a mixture of joy and intense grief as we prepared to go. We were excited to be in America again, to see part of our family, yet the reason for our travel was heavy on our hearts. However, we were so busy preparing to travel and then traveling that the grief came in waves. Sometimes the waves were bigger than others. The biggest waves hit when we had to leave everyone and come back to Korea.

Here are some pictures and more details to our journey.



Matthew is now a seasoned traveler so he was prepared for our short trip to the USA with just carry-on items. The Incheon International Airport is very familiar to us now and it easy to get around. We're kind of proud of our airport.




Since Bear-Lee is my comfort bear, I had to bring him, even though we were trying to be careful with how much we were bringing. He was worth the extra space. =)




This was our plane that took us from Korea to America. Incheon to San Francisco. We were even able to get exit row seat and had wonderful leg room! If you are tall you will understand how truly amazing this was. Especially for a 10+ hour flight, and that was with a good tail wind!




Happiness was ours as we landed in America. I had a similar feeling to what soldiers might feel when they get back to America. I would have kissed the ground if I'd been outside right away =)



After using my cell phone (hooray for cell phone usage!!) to call family we were off again to fly to Nevada. As I slept Matthew was able to take pictures of some beautiful mountains.



We landed in Las Vegas, Nevada and I thought it would be a good time to show off my Adventist tee shirt. In the picture I'm pointing to an airplane that has "Las Vegas" written on it and to my shirt.

The air seemed so clear and all the details were sharper than in our polluted city. Our last flight to Denver was bitter sweet. We were excited to see Jason (who was waiting for us) but sad about what else awaited us the following days.

Getting off the airplane and wrapping myself in Jason's hug was so good for my heart. Family is so important.

Of course...the boys were hungry and Taco Bell was beckoning to us.




Here Matthew proudly stand by the Taco Bell emblem and then later happily ate his food.

We were all exhausted but managed to stay awake for the 3 1/2 hour drive needed to get to Fort Garland. Daddy was waiting up for us. What is it about grief that makes us appreciate what we have all the more? All of our hugs that day were extra special I think.

The following morning we woke up groggily and went to eat at Grandma Sarah's house.



My two of my aunts were there. Aunt Karen and Aunt Linda. Uncle Albert (who is only one year older than me, so he's more like a friend or cousin) had also flown in from his school in the East Coast was there and the first one I hugged. It was so hard, knowing that we were there for only a short time and yet we were all there to grieve together. I feel at loss for words as I write this blog.

The beauty of the mountains surrounded us that Thursday as did the bright sunshine. It was a beautiful day and the majesty of God's nature was oxygen to our souls.

We spent time that day together. Sometimes crying, something laughing. Always loving and always remembering. And for me I was learning. Korea has already been teaching me what is most important, but this was etching it into my heart.

We prepared for the memorial service/funeral that afternoon and dressed in black. I still can't believe my Grandpa is gone and I miss him. So very much.

Here is something my aunts, uncle, and dad wrote.

"Bill’s great loves were his family, country, community, and baseball ... in that order. He served in the United States Navy during the Korean War and played for the Navy baseball team. The thread of baseball ran throughout his life whether he was playing aboard a U.S. Navy carrier, on a semi-pro team or simply watching one of the many kids he loved to support. His love for baseball was only surpassed by his love and dedication to his family.

Bill was a man of strong convictions, had a quiet faith, and deeply loved his family and his fellow man. He eternally had a tender spot for any and all in need, and for all living creatures. He tried to see the best in all. Bill loved to support young people in whatever activity they were currently involved. "

This picture is from part of the service where the children could share thoughts, poems, etc. Matthew and I read some poems that my Aunt Teresa wanted us to read on her behalf, because she could not be there. Jason's prose was particularly moving.

During the service there was a portion where anyone who wanted to could stand up and share about Grandpa and how he was a part of their lives. Grandpa gave to people even when he couldn't really afford to help them. Grandpa was a person that everyone trusted and knew would be willing to help them out. He lived out the Golden Rule. I am proud to be his granddaughter. Not everyone was able to speak but in this little town where people came in jeans and t-shirts to the funeral you could see that they loved him and respected him. It was not just the words that were spoken that showed this, but the fact that there literally were not enough seats for everyone. The potluck room had to be opened up to let enough people into the church and the doors were opened for people to listen and pay their respects.

Because Grandpa was a veteran there was another ceremony done for him by the VFW. It was very touching and a flag was given to Grandma Sarah.

After all this there was a fellowship meal. People could be heard around the rooms telling stories about Grandpa. Many people came up to me and my family telling us how great of a man Grandpa was.

This is a picture that was taken years and years ago. It's a favorite picture of mine. This is in front of Grandpa's antique shop. I'm the baby girl on the right side sitting on Mama's lap. Jason is sitting to the left. This picture was on display at the fellowship meal and I'm glad it was.

The night grew closer and it was time to go our separate ways. Some of us gathered in the hotel rooms and talked, spending time together. Some of us even went and ate dinner later on. But the most important thing was spending time together. To have those moments. The hug, the smile. Memories that are being stored in our hearts.

Friday morning came all too soon and Matthew and I had to prepare to leave that day. Our flight would leave early on Saturday so we couldn't stay that night. But Friday was a special day for us.

First we all had breakfast together.



Then we made our way to the Indian Creek Cabin. A place of huge significance in my childhood.

On the way there was saw some mule deer. This kind of nature is special to see even in America, but for Matthew and I it was spectacular.

It was so hard to see all the beauty around us and know that we were going back to concrete walls and polluted air.

This is the cabin that my grandparents own. It's a small place but when we go to visit them, we always stay here.

This picture is of my first real visit to Colorado. In the back are my Dad and Grandpa. Then it's Jason, myself, and Albert. Those were wonderful summer memories.

This picture will mean nothing to most of you but it's the kitchen of the cabin and so many memories are tied up in this house, especially in this room. Late night card games and laughter. Growing from children to adults.

We spent time there and then went down to Grandpa's antique shop. All of us have loved the antique shop. To look through things and ask Grandpa what it is and see all the people coming in and out of the shop. But now it was empty. Cold with the sign on the door stating Grandpa's death. Quietly we walked around the shop, picking things up and looking at them. Seeing where he sat and the papers that cluttered on his desk. Death is not when we expect it.

That evening we ate at a restaurant all together. The meal was actually a gift from someone, in honor of Grandpa.

Matthew is in the back, then Uncle Jim, Beth-Anne, Jason (brother), Daddy, then Aunt Linda, Grandma Sarah, Uncle Albert, Aunt Karen, Sarah's sister and another relative.

We ate dinner and then had to leave. We had a decent drive back to the airport and hotel for a quick sleep and then onto the airport. Leaving that night was harder than coming to Korea the first time. It was hard to know that I was making the choice to go back to a country so far from my family. Matthew's strength for me during that time was God given. I am blessed to be with a man like him.

We arrived and returned the rental car but then ended up going to the wrong hotel, on the wrong shuttle. We were frustrated, exhausted, and beyond emotionally drained. But we arrived to the airport on time and began our journey back to Korea.

This is the screen on our last flight. California to Incheon. Worlds apart.

If you look closely you can see the tops of mountains. This is Russia.

It was a long trip. Not only because of the distance but for all the other reasons that I can't even begin to describe. Some people would say that we shouldn't have gone, that it wasn't worth the time and money. But we have no regrets. We went for family.