What Mother Are You? (What mother am I?)

A few years ago I attended a conference and one of the major things I came away with was that you don't have to be defined by the best character traits (strong suites) or worst character traits  you have.  You can choose who you want to be and be it.  As a Christian I really felt that it applied to giving Jesus control in your life.

And so at the time there were things I decided to change about myself.  It was so freeing and liberating.

Recently I've come to another crossroad.  Mommy-hood.  Who on earth am I?  And from previous experience I feel that I can choose the type of mother/homemaker I want to be.  The question I find myself asking is who exactly is that?

Here are some stereotypes I've been thinking about.

The classic homemaker.
She dresses simply and sort of rustic.  Cans her own vegetables from her garden.  Makes everything from scratch.  She will be an educator for her children with amazing home activities. She appears quietly confident in her happy nest of a family.



The out-and-about fashion plate mother.
This mother is always on the go and looks amazing while she does it. She looks amazing no matter what time you catch her and her kids do too.  She appears confident and not frazzled by this craziness called motherhood. And yes, I want to be Princess Kate.



The frazzled mother.
You know her.  If you are a mother, you've probably been her.  Hair a mess.  Could care less about clothes. When you are around her, you feel stressed for her.



All of these stereotypes love their children and do what is best for them.  Who on earth am I?

Sometimes I find myself weighing my answers to people's questions about me being a mother now, and a stay-at-home mom.  Should I say what I think they want to hear? (And what "they" want to hear is different depending on the person.)  How much should I say? (Not everyone really want or needs to know the full story.)

I want to pick and choose parts of the good mothers that I see, and not, I repeat NOT be the frazzled mother.  But I feel frazzled at times. It seems like with a baby I should still be able to shower daily and do simple chores to keep the house clean.  But somehow it isn't that easy.  When I leave the house I love it and hate it.  Love it because I like being out and about with my little boy.  Hate it because it is so hard to do anything and I feel awkward.  And lonely.

Did I mention that motherhood can be lonely?

I think it is lonely because my friends are trying to figure out who I am too.  I used to be able to get up and go or stay out late or chat on the phone/text easily.  But now it is harder.  And people say things like, "I feel like we're not close anymore."  I am still me, but now I have a little boy who not only captures my heart but also needs me.  I have to put his needs above my wants.  And so it is lonely at times.

I am trying to reinvent myself.  Figure out who I am--now.

And I'll be honest it is harder than I thought.
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As a P.S. I would like to say that I would never ever trade being Edmund's mama for anything.  This post has nothing to do with the consuming and deep love I have for my precious son.